Etiquette Quiz

                                                                           Are You a Good Playing Partner? 
                                                                by Kellie Garvin with Dan O'Neill, Golf for Women, June 2000

Take this pop quiz on politeness to see where you stand.

If your playing partner hits a solid iron from the fairway and lands on the green in regulation, it's appropriate to: 
     A.   Call for a steward's inquiry 
     B.   Faint 
     C.   Say, "good shot" (but not until the ball has landed)

In your back swing, your playing partner sneezes. You should: 
     A.   Use your club in the Simon Legree method of correction. 
     B.   Demand to hit the shot over again, this time with your playing partner standing in front of the ball. 
     C.   Try not to overreact. This isn't the US Open, and you're not Colin Montgomerie.

If you are not playing well, the best thing you can do is: 
     A.   Convert your score to Celsius. 
     B.   Drink Heavily. 
     C.   Rather than moan about your game, keep your poise and keep quiet so others can enjoy their day.

Your partner's in a greenside bunker. So happens you've been in the same spot before. This is a good time to: 
     A.   Ask a priest to perform last rites before your partner attempts the shot. 
     B.   Explain how you did it, including the part where you picked up the ball and threw it up on the green. 
     C.   Avoid the temptation to offer golf tips at all times.

The first rule of good etiquette is to: 
     A.   Put your golf shoes on while sitting in the trunk of your car. 
     B.   Bring a dish. 
     C.   Be punctual for your tee time.

If you don't know how much the flagstick weighs, you are: 
     A.   Allowed to use all three of your life lines 
     B.   A poor candidate to pass the PGA Master Professional qualification team. 
     C.   Not doing your fair share of tending the pin. Be helpful around the putting green.

You have just hit the best 5-iron of your life, only to watch it land on fringe and bounce back into a bunker. You should: 
     A.   Close your eyes and repeat to yourself, it's only a's only a movie. 
     B.   Demand to take the shot over again using a 4-iron. 
     C.   Simply recognize that you just hit a great shot. A positive person is much more fun to play with.

You notice your playing partner has mistakenly taken a drop in a situation that didn't call for one. You should: 
     A.   Ask for hush money.
     B.   Call Mike Wallace. 
     C.   Don't be a rules cop. Wait until the round is over, then politely speak to the golfer about the circumstances.

During the round, you should always: 
     A.   Quote Martha Stewart. 
     B.   Borrow money. 
     C.   Assist others in watching where their golf ball ends up and help in the search for a ball that's lost.

If a round takes more than four hours: 
     A.   Politely ask for your money back. 
     B.   Open a private contracting business. 
     C.   Don't assume everyone else is to blame. Look to see how you can improve your pace of play.

Hopefully, it was obvious that the correct answer for all of these etiquette-testing questions was "C".  If you chose alternate answers, you probably need to brush up on your on-course manners (or cut back on your caffeine).